Mom passed away

[Jondalar]

I postedthis on ledge so I'll post it here cause I'm in mood.


My mom battled renal failure for almost solid year and we finally got her into a dialysis clinic near all her kids and she hit her head and died of a subdermal hemotoma at the age of 75. We were all there (7 kids) when she took her last breath.

Happened almost 3 weeks ago. I just started a brand new job and had to take bereavement 3 days into it and had to train for this job and suck it up. My mind is not on this job. Foreclosures of all things.

I feel adrift, like I don't know what to think or do. My dad only lived to be 59. His death was strange. He was trying to fill a water tanker in a cemetary so people could water their plants on memorial day and the leg buckled and crushed him in a cemetary. Mom was a rock. We fealt cheated by my dads death and thought mom would live a lot longer. She still worked at 75 and had no plans of retiring. She had minor illnesses but nothing major until about a year ago, when her kidney's decided to just quit working.

This weekend, we had to start cleaning out the house for an appraisal. I found tons of old things that she kept. Her kids were life. She saved my class ring, my varsity jacket, tons of stuff me and my siblings made and people were like take things you want. We found her bills and letters and I think starting to clean out of the house was worse than funeral.

I think nothing prepares you for the death of your mother. I think I could of left that house and walked off the planet. I sorta realized when I left that house that our family got the short end of the stick and that there was no god.

My mom had a will and insurance but she didn't have any of her papers in one spot and we had to search the house thourougly for all her papers and we are still discovering things. I realized this weeked why all her papers weren't together. She never planned on dying. She was planning to work well into her 90s. It's amazing to me that someone who had so much life and zeal died. I'm not way, so I never understood her completely.

I'm finding comffort right now in my booze. I'm having lots of trouble getting to sleep and and the only thing that helps is booze.

I just find surreal experience to be such a ****over. I an't really wrap my mind arouond it.

And no, I don't want help.

[Nick]

I'm so sorry for your loss. You are never ready to lose a parent. My mom just turned 80 and I can't even think of my life without her. She raised 4 boys after my dad died. I was 9 at the time.

Be strong and talk to your family to deal, don't keep anything inside.

[Ghost_Tracker]

Wow.

As you probably know, I recently had to go through this, due to negligence from the doctors and nurses at North Shore University Hospital and Brookhaven Memorial Hospital on Long Island.  That doesn't mean I "know what you're going through"; I think it's probably different for everybody.  I can tell you that you have to grieve at your own pace.  Don't let anybody tell you "it's been 2 months!" or "it's been MONTHS now, move on!" or even "it's been three YEARS now!" Three years is just 1095 days and in some ways it's just the same as yesterday.
Time sort of "stops," in a way.  And yet, it does also keep moving.  And I know it sounds like a cliche, to the point that one wants to answer "You don't know what the f*ck you're TALKING about," when one hears "the sun will still rise tomorrow morning."
But it's also true. 
And it really does help to talk about it, and to remember; and to share the memories with others.

[graphix1971]

So sorry to hear of your loss. She sounds like a remarkable woman. I lost my dad a while back but I can't imagine what you're going through. My mom turns 76 this year and I hope to have many more years with her.

[Nickie]

  I'm so sorry for your loss.  My father passed away early this year.  You're never fully prepared when it happens.

[tarot]

I cannot imagine the loss you feel .. I extend my heart felt condolences 

[Jondalar]

Thanks for all your kind words. Appreciate it.

[anna]

 I know this will happen to me one day and I am dreading it. Like you said, what I dread the most is living in a house that has her presence in it and she not being there. Nothing will be the same, absolutely nothing. But know this too: she's in Heaven, and she's free. You won't do things like you did when she was here, you'll just do them differently. I believe that nothing ends, it just continues. She's with you.

[steviefan2]

i am sorry for your loss and you will be in my prayers.

[Millie]

Very sorry for your loss. It's the hardest thing to lose a parent - hold onto the memories but don't let the grief take over your life. It sounds cliche. . .but time still marches on and you have to take comfort in the good times.

[Nickie]

Very sorry for your loss. It's the hardest thing to lose a parent - hold onto the memories but don't let the grief take over your life. It sounds cliche. . .but time still marches on and you have to take comfort in the good times.

Yes.  All you can do is remember the good times.  My father passed away this year at 93...and it was time to go as he was no longer the man I knew growing up. 

[steviefan2]

how are you doing now?

[Sabrina79]

I've been gone from this forum for quite awhile and unfortunately I am just reading your post now. I am so sorry for your loss, Jondalar, and will definitely keep you and your family in my prayers.

[Jondalar]

how are you doing now?

Thanks for all your condelances still. Needless to say, Thanksgiving and Christmas were awful. It's been 5 months, and everyone is still in a funk. 2011 will go down in history as probably the worste year in all of our lives. She suffered for about a year before she died. Everyone still seems shocked and her estate is still not completely settled.  It also seems like a lot of other people we know have died this year. Terrible year.

[tarot]

I agree, the passing of my uncle a few weeks ago was devastating for the family and the loss of half a dozen of my friends has made 2011 a very sorrowful year. hold on to those you love , this life is short and the time is so fleeting .